Naomi

September 9, 2006

If you’re ever in Penang, Malaysia:
1) get a good taxi driver who can teach you the language basics (Allen is exceptionally good)
2) stay in a ghetto 50’s style hotel.
3) Don’t wear sunscreen on the first day—really. It’s fun.
4) Find the eccentric massage/”doctor”/tai chi master man who cooks bats and eats human placentas. “I eat girls like you all the time. Pregnant girls hundreds of them.”
5) Go to the cultural show. They’ll ask you to dance with them. But beware of human peacocks.
6) Explore the beach and make friends with Zu, the gypsy pirate with a hint of voodoo and beach bum. He’ll hook you up with the best local food in your own incredible private hut right on the beach.
7) Make friends with chee, Zu’s pet squirrel—which is the equivalent of a pirate’s parrot.
8) Get Starbucks. A lot.
9) Pick up some dirt cheap pirated DVDs. Unless they happen to be getting busted that day.
10) We recommend you NOT trust “Bob” for parasailing, 5 second horseback rides, jet ski rides, jungle trekking, or as a dinner companion.
11) Experience real community and restoration by staying up till 5am talking with a friend.
12) Get up real early to walk on the beach. When the local fisherman think you’re Australian, stop and make friends. They will tell you where to get the best fish in Penang.
13) Get fresh fruit smoothies and walk around Chinatown.
14) Take the fisherman’s advice and go to the hole in the wall fish BBQ, and when invited to sit with the friendly Austrian/Polish retired couple, do it. You’ll eat the best fish of your life and have great conversation too!
15) Plan to get up for the sunrise, but skip it when it doesn’t look promising.
16) Entertain the locals by trying to take self-timer pictures of yourself on the huge boulders. Push the button, slide down the wet rocks, run over to the other rocks, and get taken out by a wave, just in time to smile for the picture.
17) Watch Megan bend over to try to get her hair wet, only to be swallowed by a huge wave, and while she’s still trying to catch her breath watch her get flattened by the next one.
18) Go on an adventure with a super cool friend. You might just find a jungle, pirate caves (complete with a dead pirate), fall in a huge chasm, see armies of ants, and become a hard-core rock climber.
19) Videotape Melissa falling out of a tree.
20) Heed the signs that say “CAUTION. Jellyfish. Swim at your own risk.” They aren’t kidding. Poor Melissa.
21) Live it up and go with the flow. It’s the only way!

Pics are here: http://sbuniv.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2006434&id=177501000&l=60729